I am an organized person. I like to be in control. Whether it is organizations, work, planning a trip with friends, or even eating lunch. I count every minute that I spent.
I like my meetings to be punctual. If I say 2 pm, I expect everyone would be ready by 2 pm. When i started creative meeting and create ice-breaking game, I planned it a week before. I like organized little things, bridal shower, buying gifts to a person, even things like paperworks ( Ok hear me right, Pakistan Embassy. I know your visa application has difficult process. But actually, I like completing your papers and checklist all the necessary document). Before I go traveling, I created a spreadsheet about the itinerary, which place I should see first, I counted the budget that I will spend.
To sum up, I play by the rule.
Nonetheless, i am trying to remind myself to not being hungry on appreciation nor pat on the back.
Man, i even pat myself on the back.
But, I'll tell you what, being always-in-control-mindset is exhausting. The idea of always putting things on the right box is tiring. I go to work, trying to prioritize what I want to do as soon as I reach is even draining my energy.
Which now I think, I really should slow it down.
Considered I am an organized person, sadly, as I said before, keeping myself to be in control in everything is exhausting.
Honestly, as an organized person what scared me the most is if someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now. Because I will mumble, you might hear me say... I might take graduate school somewhere overseas. Which I think none of the organized people will draw a vivid picture of themselves 5 years from now. They must be saying it with confidence. I want to do this-this-this.
In the other hand, I am not even sure of what i see in myself 5 years from now. It might be taking grad school, but I'm not even sure I will do it or not. When in fact, I'd rather see myself, 5 years from now, taking care of my kid in a beach house somewhere nice and quiet. As simple as that. I see 5 years from now, I can live more minimalize than this, not being chained by money or material things. Taking less and more into giving. Try not to set ambitious goal by the time I'm 30
Obviously, It is actually necessary to keep reminding myself that there are things that we cannot control. So instead of being upset about stuff that i can't control. I keep reminding myself that we can only control what we can do, and rely the rest to Allah. I might not be living at the beach house 5 years from now, or I could be still working in my current company, whatever it is, it's always good to remind ourselves to it is always worth it to give an effort to things that we can control and rely the rest to Allah.